Allison Unfiltered

Not quite being flip.

I saw a guy today at an intersection holding a sign. 

I didn't read the sign, didn't have to. His layers of jackets and grimy face told me what he was using it for.  The light turned green and as the line of cars he was walking alongside began inching past him, he turned around and I saw the back of his sign: "Single?  Meet someone today! mdsingles.org"

It's not the first time I've seen these signs appropriated for more wanting means.  But the poetry of the juxtaposition touched me.

Maybe it's because it's been a rainy Monday.  Maybe it's because for the last month I haven't seemed to have any energy, and all I can do is sit and hope my body's cruise control doesn't conk out on me.  Maybe it's because I'm well past the one-year anniversary of singlehood now and the nuances of life on my own are staring me in the face in high relief.

How evocative is the image of that sign?

Two kinds of loneliness: hopeless romantics throwing a try at love out there into cyberspace, flipped and hidden behind desperate optimism and blind faith in the ability of human kindness to sustain one more day.

Leah's dream from Monday night, as told to her mother.

I dreamed that I was on the bus and I fell asleep and all of my friends got off the bus.  And when it was my turn to get off the bus I was still sleeping and I was bleeding.

points to a point under her ribcage, right where the Roman soldier shoved a spear into Jesus

And bleeding, and bleeding,

seriously, she's signing this like she's gushing.  How much blood does that girl think she has?!

and bleeding, and the bus driver and the bus aide saw and were surprised

*home alone face* Seriously need to cut that girl off TV.

and they didn't know what to do.  So they called mommy... my mom

oh, YOUR mom?  Thanks for the clarification.  And BTW? YOUR mom is deaf. Just so you know.

Yeah, they called my mom and she came and she saw me and the blood

oh, god, more gushing.  Make it stop.

and she was sad.  Then they called daddy

hey!  Howcome he's not YOUR daddy too, but just daddy?!

and he came and he saw me lying down and he was sad.  So they both took me to the grass, you know, where they bury people, dead people, and they dug and dug a hole and put me under the grass and put the grass back.  And then they went away.  And then I opened my eyes and I looked around.  I was surprised.  I opened the lid and I didn't know what happened.  Where was I? I was scared! 

YOU were scared? Try standing here and listening to your kid talk about this.  Aren't you supposed to be begging me for a pony and cotton candy instead of dreaming about your death?!

So I went to my mommy's house and I knocked on the door.  My mommy was sitting inside and she was sad.  She was crying.  When she opened the door, she looked at me and said, "But you're dead!"  I smiled and said, "No, I was teasing." 

Becase I respond so well to constructive feedback.

I have just been told I talk about vaginas too much on my blog.

To that, I say:

VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA

'Cause the world needs to learn about and love vaginas (yes, I said it again.  Suck it up.) a little bit more, don't you think?

That is all. Good night.