Allison Unfiltered

A Special Wish

Happy Father's Day to all,

but especially to the fathers looking for a job, the fathers going it alone, the fathers who haven't seen their kid(s) in awhile, and the fathers who don't quite know their own worth. 

You have a special place in Colin's and my heart.

And Happy Father's Day to the one that's raising my daughter with me.  You're amazing.  Never forget.

I hope you dance...

If you don't already subscribe to the Big Picture, get your lazy ass over there and do it now, you naughty elf.

Last week they posted two heartbreaking series of photos from Tehran (here and here). 

Now they're going the uplifting route, chronicling dancers all over the world.  Beautiful.  Serendipitous timing, too.  We need it.  And check out #19.  Bittersweet. 

This one's #3 in the series, from Belarus.  One of my faves, if only because they look so carefree.

Clerc Scar launches July 1

Got this e-mail from John Lee Clark and Adrean Clark a couple days ago.  They're launching an ASL lit e-mail mag, yay.  Can't have enough of that stuff, dude. 

For you fellow writers (or visual/video artists), here's a direct link to their submission guidelines.

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Dear readers:

Remember The Tactile Mind Weekly?  Well, the same people who brought you that wildly popular e-zine are now about to launch a new email publication for the signing community!

CLERC SCAR will publish essays, poetry, fiction, and artwork that will, as we sign it in ASL slang, "scar" your minds!  Instead of multiple pieces in one long email message, each item will appear in its own email message, allowing you to keep, delete, and forward exactly what you want to keep, delete, or forward.  Everything will be archived online as well.  We will start firing away on July 1.

We are also opening a small online bookstore specializing in the most important signing community books and videos.  All sales will support the email publication.

We will need your support.  Here are some ways you can support this venture:

Subscribe.  Just email subscribe@clercscar.com with the word "Yes!" if you want us to add you to our mailing list.

Encourage others to subscribe.  Forward this message to as many people as you can.  Once we start publishing on July 1, forward the pieces you like the best to your friends.

Write.  We consider any topic and any style, but it should be related to our community in some way.  Also, we accept letters to the editor in response to our pieces.  Send to editor@clercscar.com.

Refer others to us.  If you are on some listserves and someone writes a really good post that, with some editing, would make for a great article, forward it to us.  If you're in a conversation with friends, and someone makes a great point or tells a funny story, encourage that person to write it down and send it to us.  If you read somewhere a great piece and you think that a larger audience should read it too, we will be happy to consider reprinting it.  The same goes for visual art.

Shop at our bookstore.  In the beginning, we'll start with a few books but will add on more titles.  Please feel free to recommend books and videos to us.  We will publish book reviews, too.

We are very excited about this and hope you are, too!

John Lee Clark
Text Editor

Adrean Clark
Visual Art Editor

More B. Storm love

OMG, I'm embarrassed to say this was actually posted to YouTube last fall, and I only just now noticed it.  Gah. 

But need I say it again? I love, love, love this man.  Yes, even though he just totally cheated on me with Nyke Prince and the very dorky but still somehow charismatic Keith Wann.

and just in case you're behind the times... check this out too:  Marilyn Manson's This is the New Shit. He also did Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, but unfortunately has been beleaguered by copyright disputes.  Grr.

Breast Egg Tutorial

Okay, ladies and gents and tweeps...

I tweeted today about telling a couple of girlfriends about "breast eggs."  The more unfortunate of us souls have them, but I no longer do, thanks to my recent plastic surgery, of which I've already waayyyy overshared.  (Teh internets, you is my diary!)

Case in point: Halle Berry (pic from here).  See 'em?  See the breast eggs?!

No?  Well, then, do let me illustrate.  The day before my surgery, I reported to my butcher's doctor's office so he could use my tits as his new coloring book.  In purple indelible marker, he colored in the areas he'd be lipo'ing, dotted reference points, and drew lines where he'd be slicing.

But when I showed up for my slaughter, he took one look at my purple chest and said, "Oh, let me add one more thing... da da da...  Yeah.  See those?  Those are what we call breast eggs." 

I looked down, and this is what he'd done:

So, there ya have it: breast eggs.  I've also seen 'em called armpit sandwiches.  And I don't have 'em anymore, woohoo! 

And as my karmic penance for pointing out poor Halle's breast eggs, here's what some of you elves have been asking for in private (sneaky pervs, the lot of you), a before/after pic:

Netflix: Welcome to QueenAlpo's shitlist... again.

So on Friday, the dumbtards over at Netflix decide to blog, defending their lameass refusal to provide equal access to captions for their streaming videos.  (No apology, no acknowledgment of the customers they're denying, no nothing.)

I've blogged about my love/hate relationship with Netflix before -- on one hand, they've got all the indie movies and obscure foreign movies I want.  Their weakling competitor, Blockbuster, offers similar services, but I've no desire to switch.  (And no, THEY don't caption their OnDemand streaming vids, either.  Damn.  If they did... hello, mass exodus!)

On the other hand, not only does Netflix not even bother acknowledging that some people would like to, y'know, understand the freaking things they download, their former splinter production company, Red Envelope Entertainment, produced indies like Sherrybaby (with one of my crushes, Maggie Gyllenhaal -- sooo hot) doesn't caption even their movies -- even on DVD.

So, clearly, this isn't a company that cares that much.  Only in recent days, with a twittest (twitter/protest -- ha! I keeel me!) spearheaded by people like @MarleeMatlin, have the people at Netflix bothered to even acknowledge that maybe, possibly, giving a shit about their own services might be a teeny tiny bit important.

And yes, vulgarity completely necessary.  Netflix's weak response on their blog: Well, most people don't want captions on their movies, and it takes us forever to add a second stream, so we're working on something else.  Give us, what, a year?  Mmmkay?

My ass.

It took them this long to even acknowledge it.  I first started e-mailing them about the lack of subtitles/captions three -- count them, three -- years ago and never once got a response, nor did anyone else I know who e-mailed them.

I'm not the only one this pissed at the company that feeds my movie fetish.  Jamie Berke blogged today, noting the impatience of Netflix consumers online, both deaf and hearing.

If the deaf community is upset now, just wait until a year from now if Netflix doesn't keep its announced commitment. Meanwhile, the issue is actually broader than just Netflix! We need legislation to mandate captions on the Internet. To promote THAT objective as well as the Netflix objective and helping Hulu to expand their captioning, a companion Facebook group has been set up with a discussion board: Internet Captioning.

Check it out... not only is she more calm and rational than I, there's good info on there.

Meanwhile, you bet your ass I'm gonna be sitting here fuming about my money funneling into Netflix's pockets while they continue to screw me over, telling me it's a cool thing that I'm paying for: something I can't watch.

Patience, thy name is IMPOSSIBLE

Whenever I see a film made via stop-action I have to stop and stare.  Because, dude, do you know how much work that is?  You take a picture, move something half an inch, take another picture, move it again, take another fucking picture, move -- OH MY GOD my soul is jittering out of my ears in protest just typing this.

The people who made this?  Superheroes. 



And yes, those really are just post-it notes.

Wanna see how they did it? Gah. Sit on your ass and look how much other people are willing to spend months of their lifetime moving pieces of paper around on a wall so that other people can sit on their ass and stare.

Jackie Chan Deaflympics Vid

Like, cool beans, dude.  Jackie Chan makes dorky look sexy. Me likey.

When Google Ads Go oh So Right

The google ads that accompany the gmail conversations I've been having with one friend lately have been especially hilarious. 

Where else can you find ads for lawnmowers and "love chairs" *wink wink nudge nudge* in the same place?

But one day a text ad came up that read "feminism for kids." 

Like, hello?  Custom-designed for QueenAlpo, yo!  So of course I clicked.  What?  I couldn't help it.  I read that thing and suddenly some switch flipped in my newly-installed motherboard (hi, D!) and my finger was moving on its own.

And I fell in love.

Seriously, if I could, I'd get this on a T-shirt.  Too bad all I wear lately are work shirts and pumps.  The dress code at work is pretty flexible, but methinks this wouldn't fly.

Same ol', same ol'

I hate my implant.  Still feeling like someone is grabbing a fistful of my hair and shaking me by it.  Stupid brain.

I wish my dog would quit hunting down my dirty underwear and using it for a pacifier.  Stupid crotch-sniffer.

I pray every day not to bleed through my shirt.  Stupid new boobs.

I hope for a surprise today.  Stupid optimism.

I love my new job even though I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.  Stupid learning curve.

I dream of an isolated island in the Caribbean.  Stupid self-torturing daydreams.

That is all.  Thank you and have a nice day.... stupid.