Living La Vida Alpo

I'm not hallucinating?

See?  See?!  Someone else hears squirrels too!!  They DO make noise!  Ha!  Ha HAAAAA!

Take that, all you hearing people who stared at me blankly when I said the squirrels freaked me out last fall.  Humph.

"Roam if you want to/Roam around the world..."

Just when I didn't think I could love Seal Press any more than I already do, they come out with this: Karen Schaler's Travel Therapy (Amazon link here).  

Purrrfect!  Been suffering from some serious wanderlust lately, from wanting to go back to Vermont to India to the UK to the French countryside to rediscovering the beaches of the Caribbean.  Siiigh.  And even better, this book is geared towards women post-breakup or divorce, or seeking rejuvenation of a certain kind...

"With 101 unique destinations, Travel Therapy is geared toward helping readers refresh and find themselves, whether they’re dealing with a breakup or divorce, celebrating retirement, or looking to shake things up. Every chapter includes quizzes, travel tips, and extensively researched links to the best destination-specific websites to help you figure out the perfect destination for you. From daring destinations to soothing spa escapes, Travel Therapy is your road map to self-discovery, happiness, and success—whether it’s zip-lining in Belize, helping orphaned children in Africa, or beachcombing the Caribbean."

Like, somebody wipe the drool off my face already.  While I'm no jetsetter, I have been on my share of trips to destinations both exotic and quaint.  The thing that always totally makes the trip, though, is the company you keep.  There's a reason honeymoons are always such hyped trips, yo.

But what about when you travel alone?  I wouldn't know -- I've never had the chance.  But I envision revelations, a personal enlightenment of sorts.

And hey, as long as we're talking about travel... looky-look what I found (from here)!  A table of the most photographed landmarks in the world.  And of the top 7, I've been IN three.  Cooool... 

Me no bwave.

HELP!  There is a big-ass bee on my desk and I don't know what to do!  And I need that paper it's crawling all over, like, right now.  It's skeeving me out, ugh.

Oh, wait, it flew onto the window. How considerate.  Never mind, guess I won't be posting this after al--  OH MY GOD MOTHERFUCK!!!  It just fell back onto the desk right next to my arm!!!

Please, please, somebody come get this bee? *whimper*

EDIT: (one hour later) Colin is chasing that little creep down for me. Now who was it that told me he was a wussy dog? Huh? HUH?! *smirk*

But I do have other things I'd like to rip out...

I'm hearing things -- well, not really hearing but... BWAHAHA I made a funny! -- about last night's House episode, which I missed.

I have no clue what the storyline is other than some deaf teen got a cochlear implant against his will courtesy of the very courteous Dr. House... I got bored three words into this recap, but the general gist of the things I'm hearing?

• One, that the teenager who got implanted got it activated the very next day.  Wow. Magic. 
• Then he was able to understand the things he was hearing within minutes.  Fuck magical.  This is miraculous.  (Has anybody ever seen At First Sight?  Val Kilmer, Mira Sorvino?  Blind guy gets some procedure done to his eyes, but can't make hide nor hair of what he's seeing 'cause he's never seen before.  Hello, logic!)
• And I don't know how this comes about, and I don't really want to, but apparently later he gets upset and he rips the freaking thing out of his own head.  Agh.  Gory.

I'm not gonna comment on the ridiculousness of a show I've yet to see when my buddy Nabeel (a fellow cuer who's about to start his own CI journey) has already done it for me, other than that it'd be nice to hear about a deaf story in TV these days that doesn't have the CI at its' center, 'cause talking about CI's all day long?  Hello, ennui. 

I am gonna say, however, that I'm pretty freakin' happy I didn't think to watch it last night -- I usually watch it every week.  Coincidence? I think not.  My night was pretty dang blissful, thank you, without having a freakin' TV show piss me off, and that in itself was a gift from the gods. Hello, divine intervention!

Funny Boy Redux

Not too long ago I was introduced to the intricacies of the violent conflict in Sri Lanka between the majority Sinhalese and the minority Tamil -- or, rather, by factions within those two ethnic groups -- when I read Funny Boy, an archly poignant novel about a boy who grows up gay amidst this political turmoil. 

The Big Picture brought that book back to life for me with the photo essay posted today.  That place is gorgeous, its culture and people fascinating, and it makes me so sad to see this happening there.

This undated picture released on April 25, 2009 by pro-LTTE website Tamilnet shows civilians taking cover after what they say is an explosion caused by a goverment airstrike in the no-fire zone in Mullaitivu district. UN humanitarian chief John Holmes was to hold talks with the Sri Lankan government over the thousands of civilians caught in fighting between troops and Tamil rebels, officials said.The Sri Lankan government has resisted all calls to halt an offensive that is now on the brink of wiping out the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) rebels, who have been fighting for an independent Tamil homeland since 1972. (AFP/Getty Images)

Carnage - the anticlimax

Yesterday Leah and Momsie went with me to have the dressing officially taken off my incision. 

And d'oh. 

Guess I waited too long, because the freaking thing is already half-healed over.  Wait, where's the gore?  Where's the shriek-queen-worthy blood? 

Oh, doood... I've been robbed.

Oh well.  I've still got a numb ear and a numb tongue.  The dizziness is gone and my balance is back.  I stopped taking painkillers two days ago (4 days post-op), although every once in awhile that whole side of my head detaches itself and hurls a sledgehammer into my brain.  That's when I stick a finger in my ear, squinch up my face and say something quite diplomatic... like, "Moommm!  My ear hurts!"

My apologies, my dear elves.  Cylon technology really has advanced, I guess.  No stitches, no bloody trails down my neck, no huge, gaping scars over half of my cranium.  Siiigh.   I know, I know.  Believe me, I'm just as disappointed as you are.

Please accept this picture in partial compensation.  When I was downloading the scar pic, I found this one, clearly taken on the sly the night before.

This is pretty close to what we call her Chucky face.  As in monster demon puppet, yes, yes.  And good god, when she was younger, had even chubbier cheeks and shorter, wilder hair, she'd do this and people would shudder and hide their children behind their legs.  How she ever came out of those years in her life with such healthy self-esteem, I'll never know.  I admire that girl's tenacity.

In any case, this isn't what she was doing in the doctor's office.  Every time the doctor pulled off a piece of tape, she'd whimper and shudder.  And this, five minutes after telling me she wanted a CI too so she could be just like Mommy. 

(In other words, just as confused and contradictory -- and freakin' proud of it.)

My Monday morning fantasy

...includes being able to hit that sexy center button on my iPod and jam as I get ready for the day. 

Alas, my left ear is dead and awaiting some kind of weird biotechnological resurrection via CI activation in 3 weeks, and my right ear is waiting for an earmold.  So what do I do to torture myself in the meantime? 

I compile a playlist, dammit.

I only wish I could include here my current obsession, U2's "Moment of Surrender"   Some people say it's about drug addiction (read lyrics here).  It's about something totally different for me -- where I am in my head and in my life right now.  Helps that it's a gorgeous, albeit long, rock ballad-ish type siren that I find myself swaying to in the kitchen as I cook -- "I tied myself with wire to let the horses run free, playing with the fire until the fire played with me" -- Swoon.

P.S. Some people will say there's a queer sort of irony in happily-deaf girl fantasizing about listening to music again.  I agree, but more importantly, do I give a flying squirrel?  Ha.  No I don't.  So take that, shove it up the bodily orifice of your choice, and rock out with me, mmkay?

P.P.S.  I just noticed there's no Madonna on this playlist.  What the hell?  Wow.  I really am changing.  Cooool.

Carnage - the teaser

This is what I looked like on day two post-CI-surgery -- sleepy, groggy, and falsely happy, thanks to the painkillers. Excuse the horror that's pretending to be hair. *ahem* 

I took the thing off my ear -- it was driving me crazy.  Felt like my earlobe was bent in half, and I really, really, really just wanted to scratch it once.  Just once, for the love of goddess!

So I took it off yesterday... and promptly discovered that I couldn't feel my ear.  Crapola.  Picture of THAT after the jump.  If you can't stand the sight of blood... run away, run away!  RUN!

Haven't gotten to see the actual incision close-up yet, but from what CK tells me, it's right up behind my ear.  Nice.

(Thanks go to CK for being a willing photog.)

Ready for a bit of gore? All right, click on through... Da da dum...

Look, ma, no allergies!

When my terp and I first got to the pre-op floor Wednesday, my terp went straight into her "I'm a sign language interpreter, I'm here to facilitate communication, blah blah..." spiel with the guy at the front desk.

He said, "Oh, she's hearing-impaired."

"Deaf.  Yes, she's deaf," said my terp.

"No, no, to be culturally appropriate, you need to say hearing-impaired."

"Actually, no, it's deaf."

"Well, I have a grandchild that's mentally challenged, so I've been learning all the appropriate terms."

"Well, in this case, it's deaf."

And meanwhile, I stood by, happily smiling and watching this lovely tableau of human society unfold in front of me with nary a comment. 

My therapist would be so proud.

Teeheehee

Happy Friday, elves.

Surgery went swimmingly.  As in they wheeled me into the room, I blinked, and my Momsie woke me up.  Recovery is a bitch, but two days later I'm finally starting to feel like a real person again.  Tomorrow I get to take the packing off and see what carnage lies behind my left ear.  FUN!

Meanwhile, enjoy a little ha ha: