Allison Unfiltered

Military Pressing a la QueenAlpo.

Bro-in-law and new wife are due to arrive any minute.  They don't know it yet, but their birthday gift to me is gonna be to help alleviate my Halloween Birthday Syndrome. 

Which means they're on trick or treating duty.  CK is on door duty.  Leah is on cool fairy duty.

Me?  Puh-leeze.  I'm on sit on my ass duty.

Doorbells are not gonna interrupt THIS birthday.

Happy Halloween, y'all.

Drawing Deadline Drawing Near

Don't forget to fill out the survey -- two pages, five questions each.  And you don't get a chance to win prizes unless you leave your e-mail address as a response to the tenth question.

Deadline: Halloween, Noon EST.  Otherwise known as... QueenAlpo's Birthday, also Noon EST.

The clock is ticking... 

Wordle Fun

Get your own here.

Because I feel like

generating more useless, self-centered crap to clutter up cyberspace, I'm posting this.  Enjoy.

EDIT: I don't know why a link to the quiz didn't appear, but here it is: What's Your World View?  and p.s. Everyone I know seems to be getting the same result as me, so do let me know if you get something different.  I like to think my friends aren't clones, y'know.

You Scored as Cultural Creative Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 100% Postmodernist 94% Materialist 69% Existentialist 56% Idealist 50% Modernist 38% Fundamentalist 25% Romanticist 13%

I hear Dulcolax is looking for a new spokesmodel...

The funniest thing I read today has to be Anna's Open Letter to the Writers of Heroes.

And the funniest line(s):

Let me level with you, I have had an assload of Hiro’s absentminded bumbling about with secret formulas that get stolen the second he is put in charge of them, and by the way, what the hell is with the constipated look he gets whenever he stops time? Is it painful for him or something? Is it something that mineral oil would help with?

I actually like Hiro.  I DON'T like any of the Petrelli scenes.  But the writers do annoy me.  Their strategies are so predictable, farfetched, and banal.  And yet I watch religiously.

I don't know what that says about the way I experience that TV show, but the way Anna slams something she claims to like kinda reminds me of cootie courting.  Y'know, like back in second grade if a boy took the time to hit you repeatedly to the point of bleeding, it meant he really liked you.  (Or that adults have really screwed up ways of helping us deal with violence. But off-subject...)

Now I'm gonna laugh my butt off every time Hiro makes that face.  Shit.

Heads Up!

Okay, my Dear Internet Elves... pay attention. 

Your favorite blogger (I heard that snort, shut up) has a birthday coming up this Friday, and here's how we're gonna celebrate in QueenAlpo Land. 

I'm posting a survey for y'all.  There's ten boring questions on it -- demographics and "why do you read QueenAlpo's blog" kinda things -- that you will plod through just for me because that's how much you love me.  Either that, or you just like to throw away your time for no good reason.

Most of the questions are easy-cheesy multiple choice, but the very last question is an "essay" question...  And because I'm such a cheapskate and couldn't spring to upgrade to the version that would allow me to post unlimited questions about your underwearing habits, I combined two questions in one, the latter of which is: WHAT IS YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS?

PRIZE ALERT!

If you're one of the first hundred people (also another cheapskate limitation, sorry) to read directions carefully and remember to TYPE IN YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS, you'll be entered in a drawing for this cool mug and a $15 gift certificate to amazon.com.  Better odds than winning either the lottery or the chance to suddenly be injected with a superpower of your own choosing.  The winner will be chosen by the very handy Randomizer, and you have until noon EST this Friday, October 31, 2008 to enter.

Okay, go to it.

Click Here to take QueenAlpo's survey.

Hey, I could have put it in a more difficult place...

Leah asked Daddy to open a new jar of peanut butter for her lunch sandwich when I noticed Colin's eyes bugging out.  Alas, I couldn't resist.

This may be the most perfect evidence ever why no one should ever trust a Kaftan with an innocent soul: 

BECAUSE WE'RE CORRUPT, THAT'S WHY.

Colin Meets His Match from Queen Alpo on Vimeo.

The Captions Just Write Themselves

"Rookie," coughed the lady in back.

When I read that Sarah Palin had told a mother of a deaf son to "have faith that your—that your elected officials will demand that for you, so the bureaucracy is—is enabling you to get those things, well, taken care of..." my birthing pains came back. 

The kind without the epidural.  Y'know, when you get carte blanche to punch people in the face and scream out four-letter-words as loud as you can, and everyone just ignores you because of what you're doing at the moment.

As much as I'm embarrassed to admit I'm nurturing a girlcrush (as opposed to, of course, my WOMANcrush on Rachel Maddow) on someone just because I like the way she wears jeans and subtly flips off McCain, she never fails to takes me to new levels of incredulity.

But then again... Trig isn't even one year old yet.  And it's not like Sarah and Todd are lacking for support or connections when it comes to caring for their son with Down Syndrome or making decisions on his behalf at some point down the road. 

A childless friend asked me recently if there wasn't even a little, teeny, itty bitty part of me that wished Leah was hearing. 

I answered, quite honestly, "No."

And then I thought about it again and added, "Well, not until she got to school age, anyway.  Then I had to learn to deal with all the bullshit out there."

Even though I know the names of all the laws I need to invoke whenever someone tries to deny Leah something stupid, though I know via first-hand experience and via education each and every single one of my rights under law and under human courtesy, and even though I have all the officials in my municipality on speed dial right after the various advocates I know I can call on to go to bat for me, it's still tough.

After just over five years of fighting the system, the ONE THING I WILL NEVER DO is "have faith" that the government is helping me take care of my family.

I know enough now to fall on my knees and thank the Universe for providing those few people in the system who truly want to and can help me, and to constantly seek out support to give me support to be Leah's built-in defense system.  Yes, I know I just used "support" twice in the same sentence, and I'm cranky enough that I just don't care.

There's no doubt in my mind that Sarah Palin has good intentions when she says "as the advocate in the White House, [a competent system is] what I will ensure."  But you'll excuse me when I'll take that with a gigantic shaker of salt.

Have faith in the bureaucracy, my ass.

The Entire Presidential Race in 3 mins - Yo.

http://view.break.com/592648 - Watch more free videos